- I hope we're not bothering you. - I'm just...
- We won't take up much of your time. - I'm waiting for a call.
We're all waiting, ma'am, for the good Lord to call in his flock.
From the cable TV people.
I'm just moving in. God bless.
Good afternoon. I hope... we're not bothering...
- Yes? - You're...
- Weren't you... - Didn't we just...
- Didn't you just what? - Speak to you.
Excuse me?
We just spoke to a woman who... could have been your twin.
- What are you talking about? - Down the street, moving in.
- Your spitting image. - You won't believe it when you see her.
- Ma'am? - Go away!
Get outta here!
- Betty Templeton? - Yes?
FBI. We'd like to ask about an incident, a possible religious hate crime in your area.
I just moved in yesterday. I don't know about any incident.
We have two young men in the car who say you do know something.
Oh, my God.
Those are the boys that were here yesterday. What happened?
They beat each other to within an inch of their lives
after visiting the home of a woman living a few blocks over.
What woman?
A woman who, by both young men's accounts, fits your description.
She, uh... lives around here?
Are you a practitioner of the occult?
Wicca? Voodoo? Satanism? The black art of bodily bilocation?
Me? No.
You know what they say. Everyone has a twin out there somewhere.
No, we don't know what they say.
If someone fits my description, why not talk to her?
We went over to the house, but it's empty. No one lives there.
Frankly, we're not even sure she exists.
This is an FBI fleet sedan from our Kansas City field office
requisitioned by two seasoned agents there.
Driven into a tree at 43 miles an hour by the female agent
in a novel effort to kill her male counterpart.
Now, you might think I'm gonna suggest psychokinesis - PK -
someone or something controlling the agents with remote mind-bending power.
But it's not?
Both agents sustained critical injuries, their stories eerily similar,
as if they'd temporarily lost control of their minds, unable to alter their behaviour.
You may think that I'm gonna say it's past lives unresolved
or fate stalking the agents like an animal.
- But you're not? - No.
These agents had worked together
for seven years previously without any incident.
Seven years?
Yeah, but they are not romantically involved, if that's what you're thinking.
Not even I would be so far-fetched.
You have any ideas, Scully? Any thoughts?
What I'm thinking, Mulder, is how familiar this seems.
Playing Watson to your Sherlock, you dangling clues out in front of me one by one.
It's a game, and... and as usual you're holding something back from me.
You're not telling me something about this case.
OK, so these agents were investigating something.
Something much like what they themselves were almost killed by.
Something they came into contact with.
A third party.
Two third parties.
Twins.
Relatives.
Doppelgänger.
A corporeal likeness that appears unbidden from the spirit world,
the sight of which presages one's own death.
Or... a double conjured into the world by a technique called bilocation
which in psychological terms represents the person's secret desires and impulses
committing acts that the real person cannot commit himself.
Or herself.
Mulder, the slide, please.
Yes!
Don't go thinkin' I'm gonna start doin' the autopsies.
Excuse me. Hi. I applied for the sales job you posted.
- Ah, yeah. I remember. How could I forget? - Excuse me?
There's a problem with your application, as I recall, Miss...
Pfeiffer. Are you sure?
Lulu Pfeiffer. Yes.
You reside at 15527 Morton Bay Street?
- Not any longer. I've moved. - You moved?
Yes, and I don't have my new address yet.
Actually, that's what's sending up the red flag.
You move a lot, and there's also your employment history.
17 jobs in 17 states in the past three years.
You have as many jobs here as you have addresses.
I had a restless streak.
The copy business takes a motivated person.
I'm an extremely versatile employee, as you can see by my résumé.
What I can tell is you've left a variety of jobs.
Mongolian-barbecue chef, high-rise window washer,
wild-animal trainer, palm reader.
- Yes, but I am on a career path now. - Hey, what's going on here?
- All my copies are black. - My machine's goin' crazy.
Who's running this place?
I can start you immediately. There's a clean uniform in the employee washroom.
That's quite a string of positions you've had, Miss... Templeton.
17 jobs in the last three years.
I would have listed more but there wasn't any room left.
17's plenty, believe me.
My former employers will only give the highest references.
It's not your references. It's the jobs themselves.
Mongolian-barbecue chef, high-rise window washer... wild-animal trainer?
I'm a highly versatile employee.
What guarantee do I have that you won't just up and quit tomorrow?
You have my personal word on it. I'm here in Kansas City to stay.
- Who is it? - Mr Zupanic, it's the FBI.
- Excuse me? - It's the FBI, Mr Zupanic. Open up.
Give me a minute.
- Bert Zupanic? - Yeah?
We're hoping you can help us find a woman we think you're familiar with.
- Betty Templeton. - I don't know no Betty Templeton.
Maybe you should take another look at that photograph, Mr Zupanic.
Five foot three, red hair.
Maybe I can jog your memory.
Are you still pleading ignorance, Mr Zupanic?
Is that not you in last year's Fourth of July parade?
Yeah.
- And who's that sitting next to you? - Her.
Try Betty Templeton.
We can't find her. She seems to have left town in a hurry.
- She did? - Mm-hm.
Didn't she used to live on Morton Bay in a pink house?
Alderwood. Blue house.
On Alderwood?
Mr Zupanic, do you have any reason to be lying to us?
No, sir. I mean ma'am.
Thank you, Mr Zupanic. I have no doubt we'll be in touch with you.
Know what I'm thinking?
That he not only knows Betty Templeton and where we can find her
but that he is hip to whatever she's into,
and that I should look at that house on Morton Bay Street
while you find out from Mr Zupanic
what it is he's clearly hiding about Betty Templeton.
I'm thinkin' that Bert Zupanic really truly doesn't know Betty Templeton.
Well, I guess that's why they put the "I" in the FBI.
Give me a double, Freddy.
Thought you were in training, Bert, my man.
Would you just pour?
Nice outfit.
Freddy, Fire in the Hole.
Seven and Seven for the lady, and make it stiff.
Oh, my God!
- How did you do that? - Do what?
How did you know my drink?
I feel like you're lookin' right through me.
Like you're readin' my soul like a book.
Maybe you've had enough of that. You are in trouble, aren't you?
I don't know.
I could be.
- What kind of trouble are you lookin' for? - You don't want to go home tonight, OK?
It just so happens I don't got a home to go to.
Anyway...
I'm Betty Templeton.
Alderwood Avenue.
My God.
I'm shakin'.
Betty Templeton.
That's perfect.
Hey, Scully!
I want you to meet a buddy of mine. This is Mr Argyle Sapersteen.
- Stein. - Saperstein. Excuse me.
Ma'anish ta na.
- This is my partner, Dana Scully. - A pleasure and an honour.
So I take it from your posture, Mulder, you've solved this case.
I have narrowed down the search for our perpetrator with the help of Mr Saperstein.
- Narrowed it down to where? - Right down there.
Our mystery woman is indeed involved with Zupanic, the man we spoke to at his hotel,
who will be fighting here two days hence, with the woman undoubtedly in attendance.
If it's the lady I'm thinkin', she's not much to look at, but he says she brings him luck.
- Bert Zupanic is a boxer? - A wrestler. Semipro.
So we wait around Kansas City for a couple of days until we can talk to this woman?
Well, there's lots to do here, and the barbecue's second to none, right?
Plus Mr Saperstein's gonna show me some smackdown moves
so I can quit gettin' my ass kicked so often, right?
And there's an art exhibit that traces the influence of Soviet art
on the American pop culture, right?
Unless, of course, you've already found Betty Templeton.
Finding Betty Templeton won't solve this case, and not unless we find Lulu Pfeiffer.
- Who's Lulu Pfeiffer? - Our doppelgänger.
Who lived, until yesterday, in a pink house on Morton Bay Street,
but she's not a manifestation, she's real.
So is the path of destruction she's left in her wake.
Though there seems to be no connection between them,
Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer have travelled city to city across 17 US states,
one alternately trailing the other for the past 12 years,
and wherever they have been, mayhem has followed.
Damn.
It's not just car accidents and fist fights, Mulder.
It's house fires and explosions, and even riots.
The lady knows her stuff.
Shalom aleichem.
Yeah. Your mama.
- Hello? - Where's my money?
- I got it and I'm bringin' it. - Yeah, that's what I heard last night.
- Now you got the feds on your ass. - What?
Your good-luck charm don't sound so lucky no more, boychik.
- Maybe I should cancel the fight. - I'm bringin' the money, OK? I'm bringin' it.
I'm havin' lunch at Froggy's. No money, no fight, Titanic.
- In trouble or something? - I'm just...
- I gotta be somewhere, OK? - Why? What time is it?
Oh, God! I'm gonna be late for work.
You were incredible.
Why do I find myself so wildly attracted to you, Bert Zupanic?
You just can't help yourself, baby.
Where were you last night?
- Where was I? - Yeah.
- Well... - You said meet me for a drink.
- That's what you said. - I was there and I was waiting on you.
- Are you two-timing me, Bert? - How can you say that?
You're my good-luck charm.
Who is she?
- Who is she? - You do not wanna get in the ring with me!
Honey, listen. Come on, baby. There's nobody under there.
You're acting crazy, sweetie.
Hey, I know this hairpin.
Oh.
I can explain that.
You lovable lug, Bert Zupanic.
I'm sorry, baby. This is mine.
- Of course it is. - I just get so jealous.
Forgive me?
I forgive you. I'm in training. You gotta work. You're late.
- I'm just so wildly attracted to you. - Hey, listen.
- Looks and charm, what's not to love? - There's a lot to love.
- I know. - But...
- No. You have to go. - Will you call me at least?
You bet. I'm on the phone now, OK?
Bert, did I hear voices?
- Voices? I didn't hear any voices.
Oh!
Where's the Titanic?
- What? - Your boyfriend, the wrestler.
Wow, talk about moves. I can't believe it. We barely just met.
- He's supposed to meet me here. - He's coming here?
He'd better be, if he wants that fight Saturday.
I better go freshen up a little. I was just coming in for lunch.
Zupanic, hey.
Thought you were a no-show. Talking to your girlfriend.
My girlfriend?
Holy sugar.
- Now, how did she do that? - Do what?
I just saw her. I swear. I just saw her go to the can.
She just went to the can?
Ten seconds ago.
- What are you doing here? - I have a business meeting.
- Why don't I meet you outside in the park? - I was just gonna get some lunch.
- Perfect. We'll have a picnic. - A picnic? We never do that.
Oh, yeah.
Now...
Bert?
I have a little business to attend to, sweetie.
- You got more than that to attend to. - Hey, Bert, I only got an hour...
Mr Zupanic?
What happened?
There was an incident.
You were struck by flying glass.
Did you lose something?
Yeah. My good luck.
Would that be Betty or Lulu, Mr Zupanic?
Cos they're the ones who caused this and they'll do it again if we can't find them.
Where are they, Mr Zupanic?
Excuse me.
- FBI. - Can I help you?
Yes, I'm looking for... that girl.
Betty.
This man's from the FBI.
- Betty Templeton? - I'm just getting off work.
- Could we maybe talk some other time? - I think we both know why I'm here.
- It's her fault! - Lulu Pfeiffer.
She follows me around trying to ruin my life.
I'm not gonna let her ruin it this time. It's either me or her.
I don't wanna leave Kansas.
- Scully. - I found her at Koko's Copy Center.
- Betty Templeton? - Yeah.
She says that Lulu Pfeiffer's trying to ruin her life.
- She follows her wherever she goes. - Lulu Pfeiffer works at Koko's too.
That's what Lulu says about Betty, except she says this is the end of the line.
- That she's not leaving Kansas. - That's exactly what Betty said.
- What's going on here? - I don't know, Scully.
You run this show. You tell me.
I think that this is more than just physical proximity.
I think that these women have some kind of a psychic connection.
No..., Sherlock.
Hey, Scully, where's Lulu?
She just took off, Mulder. She left work and she drove away.
She isn't driving a little blue convertible?
That's exactly what she's driving.
Oh, crap.
- Can I help you? - Yes. I'm looking for someone.
He was here speaking to an employee and I can't seem to reach him.
- Tall guy, dark hair? - Yeah.
- He left. - And you don't know where he went?
- Couldn't say. - OK.
However, I can tell you we have a two-for-one copy discount in effect.
How about Internet access?
Right this way.
- Is he in there? - Sleepin'.
- Can you wake him up for me? - Sure?
- It's important. - Will you two shut up or go away?!
Mr Damphouse?
The sound of your voice is like a jackhammer on my eardrums!
Mr Damphouse, I'm Special Agent Dana Scully with the FBI.
What's so special about you?!
It's an FBI title, sir.
I know it is. I'm not stupid!
If you'll let me explain why I'm here,
we might be able to get you to bed a little bit sooner.
Ah!
What a relief!
Through matching-up of documents I have been able to compile on the Internet,
and by comparing time and space and circumstance
and applying the law of averages...
They could electrocute me quicker!
I believe that you may be the father of two daughters.
I'm no father!
Using documents filed by a sperm bank in Sparta, Illinois,
and by the mothers who may have been impregnated by your donation...
I Yankee Doodled into a plastic cup!
Be that as it may, sir, it is very likely that you are the biological father
and it is very important, for their safety and the safety of others,
that we get as much information about your parents and anything about your family tree
that may explain the reactions caused by these two girls.
A big, ugly dog lifted its leg on my family tree.
- Make room for Daddy! - Shut up, you fat ox!
Hello.
You aren't answering your phone?
I'm just screening my calls.
You sleep with me once and now you're avoiding me?
I got big trouble, baby.
I got just one shot left at the big time. Just one.
But you got your match tonight. Your name's up on the marquee!
I've lost my financin'.
- You're my good luck, baby. - I am?
It was my good luck to meet you and if you could just...
if you could help the Titanic find a way...
- Find a way? - They say I'm old. I'm washed up.
All I want's a shot.
If I don't get the money I'm gonna lose my chance.
Maybe I can.
You're not answering your phone?
Lulu?
Someone else you were expecting?
Well?
Baby, I got trouble. I got big trouble.
Mulder?
- Yeah. - Where have you been?
Seeing a side of Kansas City few men have the privilege to see.
- What happened to you? - I got sucked into a storm drain.
A more pressing question is what happened to Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer?
I don't know, but I have been able to locate the nature of their connection.
Both women are non-fraternal siblings from the same father.
- You've located him? - Yeah. He's here in the state pen.
When is all this yammering gonna stop?
And he's given you insight?
The biggest thing I can figure out right now
is he's probably the angriest man in the world.
Not as angry as the women are gonna be
when they both realise they're in love with Bert Zupanic.
- They're both after him? - That's why they're staying in Kansas City.
If they're the reason it doesn't explain what's happening,
what's causing the phenomenon or how we're gonna make it stop.
You're the one who's supposed to have all the answers.
Somebody's gotta get to that fight and keep those women apart
or else this time the... is going to hit the fans.
Well, hi.
Mr Zupanic?
You said you'd have my money.
I'll have it. I swear I will.
I'll call off the damn fight, Titanic. I'll have these people cursing your damn name.
I'm telling you it'll be here.
Don't worry. I promise.
Bert!
Bert.
I got it.
How 'bout ya, buddy?
Let's get ready to rumble.
Oh, baby. I knew you wouldn't let me down.
It's you and me. All the way.
Ladies and gentlemen, get out your seats and on your feets
for our own hometown boy gone bad...
Bert "the Titanic" Zupanic!
Titanic!
- Oh, yeah! - Let's take 'em, baby!
Let's take 'em, baby!
Whoo!
Come on!
Titanic!
Betty Templeton.
My name is Fox Mulder. I'm with the FBI. Can you come with me?
I'm watching the fight.
Don't make me have to remove you, ma'am.
I can't believe this.
- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?
- I'm Bert's good luck. - He's mine.
Over my dead body!
Stop it! Stop it! You're goin' down, lady!
I'm gonna kick your butt from here to Tuesday! Stick a fork in you, you're done!
Hi, baby.
- Betty. - Bert, keep it up! I love you, baby!
- Bert. I got the money. - Lulu?
Kick his butt, Bert.
Lulu.
No! Bert!
Oh, my.
Oh, my God.
What?
Why...
50 million anonymous donations have been made to sperm banks in the US.
Most have produced healthy offspring for single mothers
or fertility-challenged couples
while some of them have not.
Bert Zupanic and his non-fraternal biological sibling,
both small-time bank robbers, part-time pro wrestlers,
both with too many idiosyncratic behaviourisms to list,
stood a 27-million-to-one chance of ever meeting, but they did.
Damn, those are some odds.
Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer, with different mothers but the same father -
an angry drifter now doing time for counterfeiting -
chanced to meet 12 years ago,
but couldn't seem to avoid each other's compulsively identical mannerisms,
mannerisms attributable to their perpetually angry father.
Mm. What does it all mean?
I've been thinking hard about that.
I would like to say it has to do with balance in the universe,
the attraction of opposites and the repulsion of equivalents,
or that, over time, nature produces only so many originals,
that when two original copies meet that the result is often unpredictable.
If four should meet, the result is...
Well, suffice to say it's better just to avoid these encounters altogether
and at all costs.
I think Agent Mulder would agree with me.
Mm-hm.
Mm.
Abigail Smith
I made this!