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Welcome to The...
Welcome home, Mr Kline.
Oops. Did you get some on you, Dave?
Didn't want you to get fined. Just trying to be neighbourly.
Gotta be up to code.
Shroeder's out there painting our mailbox!
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna paint the whole damn house pink. Forget about the mailbox.
I'll make this place look like you won it selling cosmetics.
How about that? That'll show these Nazis.
Honey, would you just calm down? Rules are rules.
They're repainting our mailbox because it's Desert Sienna instead of Desert Sage.
- This guy is a freakin' weirdo. - Hon, what's that package?
I don't know. Doesn't say who sent it.
Whoa.
Tasteful.
Boy, the neighbours would really hate that.
Honey? What is it?
Stay here.
Dave?! Honey?!
Wow. Take a look at this.
Honey, what do you think? Is this place us or what?
You must be the Petries. Hi. Welcome.
Welcome to The Falls.
I'm Rob. This is my lovely wife Laura.
- Rob and Laura Petrie. - We pronounce it "Pee-tree", actually.
- Oh. - Like the dish.
It's so nice to meet you. I'm Pat Verlander. I live six doors down.
- I'm the neighbourhood welcome wagon. - Pleased to meet you.
I must say, it's already ten after five. I don't think you're gonna make it.
- I'm sorry? - The six o'clock cutoff.
All move-ins have to be completed by 6pm.
It's in the CC and R's. It's one of our rules.
Wow. The photos did not do it justice.
Guys, fast. Come on.
The previous owners left it so clean.
What do you do for a living, Mr Pee-tree?
- That's right, isn't it? - Yeah. I... I work mostly at home.
Which is great for Laura because she gets me all to herself.
Oh.
This place really is immaculate.
I'd like to send a thank-you note to the previous owners.
That's sweet. Um... good.
OK. Move, people. Come on.
- Rob and Laura Petrie. - Pee-tree.
- Win Shroeder, neighbour. Welcome. - Hi, Win. Nice to meet you.
Don't you folks worry. We'll have you moved in before six. Time?!
- 5:19. - Ah. Pardon me, neighbour.
- Excuse us. - Thanks. Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Excuse me!
- I'll get that. - No, don't be silly. It's heavy. I got it.
Oh, man. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry.
Mike, Mike, Mike, it's OK. It's OK, Mike. Go help Gordy.
Just send me any bills. I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm Cami Shroeder, by the way. Win's wife.
Nice to meet you. I'm Laura.
- Where's this go? - You can put that in the driveway.
Whoa, whoa! Hold on, hold on. Let's talk.
Um, a b-ball fan, huh? Shootin' hoops.
That's, um... That's not good. That's gonna stand out in your front yard.
- Stand out, Win? - Not be aesthetically pleasing... to the eye.
But maybe you can get special dispensation from Mr Gogolak,
president of our homeowners association. Ask him.
But, in the meantime, um... let's keep that in the garage.
Just put it in the garage.
OK! Let's finish getting you folks moved in. Let's go!
Let's move! Move!
Yeah, nothing weird going on around here.
Hey, wait a minute. You didn't let me carry you over the threshold.
- You ready? - Let's get it on, honey.
All right, then.
Thanks to our friendly neighbours, there will be no fluorescein bloodstain enhancement.
Not that it makes much difference.
This place is so clean, you can build computer chips.
OK.
6:01pm, February 24th.
Agents Scully and Mulder
in the former home of David and Nancy Kline,
who disappeared without a trace last July.
The Klines were the third such couple
to disappear since this neighbourhood was built in 1991.
All were apparently stable professional people
with no history of violence, domestic discord or mental illness,
and it took a family member or employee
to realise that they were gone,
including their cars and a few personal items.
What local police found in each case was nothing,
just impeccably manicured homes,
and neighbours who professed total ignorance that anyone had disappeared.
That's surprising, considering how nutty this bunch is about being neighbourly.
The local police department were at a dead end,
so they turned to the FBI.
AD Skinner, in assigning us this case,
thought a fruitful approach to the investigation would be
if we went undercover posing as prospective home buyers,
as this planned community would seem to hide a dark,
possibly murderous, conspiracy of silence.
You wanna make that honeymoon video now?
- Rob and Laura Petrie? - Pee-tree.
If we ever go undercover again, I get to choose the names, OK?
Fine.
- You're not taking this seriously. - I just don't understand why we're on it.
It's our first catch back. This isn't an X-File.
Sure, it is. It's unexplained.
What do you want? Aliens? Tractor beams?
Wow.
Admit it. You just wanna play house.
Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich.
Did I not make myself clear?
Hi.
Well... you didn't need to do that.
Please. I have more dishes than I need.
I just usually use one and then wash it.
- I'm Mike Raskub, by the way. - Hi.
Big Mike, for obvious reasons. I live the next street over.
Oh.
That's a caduceus.
- Are you a doctor, Mike? - No, a vet. Veterinarian.
If you folks are thinking about getting a dog, or any pet,
I'll check it out for you. No charge.
Just... you're not allowed to have over 16 pounds of pet. It's one of the CC and R's.
Mighty nice of you, Mike.
Gosh, with all this hospitality, I can't believe the Klines ever left.
That was their name, wasn't it? The Klines?
I have to go.
- Mulder. - The name is Rob.
What you got there?
Looks like whoever cleaned this place maybe missed a spot.
That look like blood to you?
Mm-hm.
How'd it get way up there?
I... didn't really learn much about them.
He just said he works at home - which tells me she's got money.
Seemed nice. Cute couple.
Mm. Very cute. They're a nice couple.
What do you think, Gene?
Ladies, my compliments to the chef.
Cami, Sissy?
These Petries, are they gonna play ball?
Pee-trees.
So far so good. I'm keeping my eye on them.
Um, Mr Gogolak...
Don't you think that maybe this time it would be better... if we told them?
Mike, you and I have been through this before.
- We don't know yet if we can trust them. - It's just that...
There are so many... so many rules.
I think that maybe they would be able to keep up with them better
if they knew what happened if they don't.
It's the neighbourly thing to do.
I really think we should do this.
Son... Godspeed.
Thank you.
Um... can I use your...?
Second door to the left.
There's Glade under the sink.
Gordy, how about you go make sure he finds it?
Gene, I can talk him out of this.
Win, the boy's a weak link,
and a strong chain can't survive with a weak link.
...is instinctive and necessary for survival.
Failure to conform within the tribal structure can often prove lethal.
When group elders suspect such an outcast within their midst,
tribal members gather in a circle to perform a ritual chant
in the belief that this will expose the unwitting conduit...
Oh, no.
Agh!
Agh... agh...
No.
No! I fixed it! I fixed it!
Morning.
Oh! Rob, Laura, I'm so sorry.
So, good morning.
How was your first night? Peaceful?
It was wonderful. We spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats.
- Isn't that right, honeybunch? - Right, poopyhead.
Are we in the right place? Is this Big Mike's house?
Yeah, yeah. I'm just helping out. Mike had to leave town on business.
What kind of business? I thought he was a veterinarian.
Veterinarian business, I guess. I just know he's gone weeks at a time.
- I'll just leave this here, then. - Let me take those.
Just... tidier-looking than leaving them on the front porch.
- It would be more aesthetically pleasing. - Exactly.
Would you two like to join us for dinner this evening, about six? We eat early.
- That sounds great. Thanks. - Great.
Oh, Win? You mentioned that I could talk to someone
about putting up my basketball hoop. Who was that again?
Mr Gogolak, was it?
All right, then, let's see. Basketball hoop and backboard, portable.
Nope, I'm sorry. It's not allowed.
- You're kidding. - I'm afraid not.
Rules are rules.
It may not sound like anything - a basketball hoop.
But it's just a few short steps to spinning daisy reflectors
and a bass boat in the driveway.
In other words, anarchy.
It may sound tough, but ours is a system that works.
It's why The Falls is one of the top-ranked planned communities in all of California.
Most of our homeowners have been here since day one.
I love the decor here, Mr Gogolak.
Is it, um... Occidental?
It's Nepalese and Tibetan, mostly. I go there twice a year on business.
- Oh. - I run Pier 9 Imports.
I can get you a great deal on rattan furniture.
Indoor only.
Outdoor use is prohibited by our CC and R's.
Uh-uh, Scruffy. Go on, now.
Sweetheart? Did you use the dolphin-safe tuna?
- Dolphin-safe all the way. - We always use dolphin-safe.
You gotta love those dolphins... although they're pretty tasty, too.
So, where'd you two meet?
- Actually, it was at a UFO conference. - Flying saucers? Interesting.
Wouldn't have thought you folks would've been into that.
It's not me so much as Laura. She's quite the New Ager.
She's into those magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings.
God bless her. She's a sucker for all that stuff.
- I wouldn't have guessed that. Would you? - Mm-mm.
- No kidding? - Yeah.
You know, when you told me this morning that Big Mike was out of town on business,
I don't think that's true.
You don't?
No. Cos we called his office, didn't we?
- We did. - Yeah.
We're thinking of getting a dog. So we wanted to call him and ask his advice.
- See if his office had a forwarding number. - They didn't know where he was.
Do you know where he is, Win?
I really couldn't tell you.
Hmm. It's gotta be something really freaky-deaky, huh?
For him to lie about it like that. Maybe he's got some wild secret life.
But every community has its dark underbelly, don't you think?
We don't have any underbelly.
As far as I'm concerned, this community is the American Dream.
Um... I'm sorry.
I realised that it's past time that I walk Scruffy.
- Would you like some company? - Yeah.
So, is this the American Dream?
This place?
Oh, uh... Nice neighbourhood.
You know. It's a lot of people who want the best for their families.
So it's just not your dream.
You know, Cami, I've noticed that you've walked us past Mike's house twice.
- Are you worried about him? - No. I don't really know what you mean.
Scruffy! Scruffy, come here!
Scruffy, no!
Scruffy! Scruffy, come out here!
Scruffy.
Scruffy, come out of there.
- Let me take a look. - Do you see him?
Uh-uh.
Scruffy, it's OK, it's OK. I got you. I got you.
What you got there?
Deep breath. That was a close one, huh?
That's a good boy. Let me wipe that off. That's a good boy.
OK, let's get you home.
Come on.
- All right, Lieutenant. - Keys.
Thank you.
Local PD came up blank on...
Mike Raskub.
No activity on his credit cards, no sighting of his '97 Mercury Villager.
There's no sign of him in his house.
I didn't see him in the storm drain, either.
- I'd take it he's dead, Scully. - "Laura."
- You think it's Win Shroeder? - Maybe Win cleaning up.
Cleaning up for who?
Speaking of cleaning up, who taught you how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste?
What do we know about this stuff?
I'm driving down to San Diego tomorrow to have it analysed.
Toilet seat.
Why kill Big Mike?
- Oh! - What's missing here is intent.
What would be the motive?
Compulsive neatness, or lack thereof?
Have you noticed how everybody here is obsessed with the neighbourhood rules?
- You know what? You fit in really well here. - And you don't.
Anyway, tomorrow I got a sure-fire way of testing out my theory.
Come on, Laura. You know... We're married now.
"Scully", Mulder. Good night.
The thrill is gone.
Bring it on.
- Stay here. - Stop him, Win. Stop him!
Hey, Win. Wanna play horse?
- What the hell are you doing? - What am I doing?
- What are you doing? - Damn it! Help me get it inside.
- What's gonna happen if we don't? - Fine. That's the way you want it?
- You were warned. - Warned about what?
No! No!
Stop!
Cami, are you all right?
Mulder?
Mulder, is that you?
Whoa!
Sorry, Mulder.
- Somebody was in the house. - Tidying up.
They put away my basketball hoop.
Somebody's looking after us, which may not be bad.
- What do you mean? - I saw what's been scaring everybody.
I take it back. This is an X-File.
How's Cami?
What did we do wrong, Gene?
Was our welcome mat not to your liking?
Did I coil my garden hose clockwise instead of counterclockwise?
Hold the phone now.
Are you saying I had something to do with this?
Who else? The exact same thing. The thing you had me do to Mike.
- Who else would do that? - Son, you'll wanna take a deep breath...
and rethink that theory.
It's your next-door neighbour, Win.
He's a rabble-rouser. He's trouble with a capital T.
And you and I both know it only takes one rotten apple
to spoil the whole bunch.
Here we go.
Yeah. I'm guessing there's one of these in every yard.
I think this is how this thing travels, where it lives.
In the ground?
This huge creature you think you saw?
Look, Mulder, huge creatures aside, do you care to hear what I think?
Always.
These are the lab results from the San Diego PD.
The stuff that we found on the fan blade - the dried blood and scalp hairs?
It's neither. The blood is predominantly ketchup and brake fluid,
and the hairs are bristles from a scrub brush.
And the same goes for the sample we found on the dog's muzzle.
It's coffee grounds, eggshells and motor oil,
with about 50 other constituents, with a little Mercurochrome for colour.
In other words, Mulder, it's garbage, which makes perfect sense,
because this entire neighbourhood was built upon an old landfill.
- A landfill? - Mm-hm.
We found this stuff because it's everywhere.
It's just beneath the topsoil.
And that protrusion in the front yard may occur from the venting of methane gas.
I don't see how any of this has to do with the disappearances.
It does. Somehow it's one and the same. The Klines?
- Yeah? - What if they're still here?
You mean, buried in the yard?
Once we start a forensic excavation, our cover's blown.
Oh!
What in God's name are you doing?!
- Putting in a pool. - In the front yard? What are you, insane?!
Have you looked at the CC and R's? You can't put in a swimming pool!
It's not a swimming pool. It's a reflecting pool.
I checked the rules.
There's no rule against putting in a reflecting pool.
It's very tranquil. You'll like it.
Let him dig his own grave.
Hey. Mulder.
The Klines aren't down there.
I think it's time you called it a night.
Tasteful, isn't it?
Gogolak. Hey, can you get an excavation team out here?
- Yeah. - We need to dig deeper.
- Where are you going? - To price some rattan furniture.
This is Special Agent Dana Scully.
I need a full forensic team to 450 Autumn Terrace.
No, not tomorrow. Tonight.
I'm sorry. Can I call you back?
Oh, God.
It's come for you, Laura. You can't make a noise.
Shh, shh!
Mike. What happened to you?
- You have to get out of here. - Why?
- Who's downstairs? - Shh.
Mike?
- Who did this to you? - The Ubermenscher.
It's our fault.
The original homeowners. We asked for it.
- Now we can't stop it. - Stop what, Mike?
I tried to give it Shroeder. You know, tit for tat,
just like Shroeder did for me.
Mike, listen. Settle down.
Just give me my gun. I'm a federal agent.
The Ubermenscher wants you.
Your husband has broken way too many rules.
I've been hiding in the sewer. I tried to warn him.
Just give me the gun.
- FBI? What did I do? - Let's start with the Klines.
You're responsible for them being in little pieces in my yard.
You gave them that lawn ornament.
- Whirligig. - Yeah.
It's tacky enough to break your rules, tacky enough to mark the Klines for death.
And won't that sound good in a court of law?
When the judge asks you who killed the Klines, what exactly will you tell him?
A tulpa.
It's a Tibetan thought form.
It's a living creature willed into existence by someone who possesses that ability,
an ability I think you picked up on your whirligig-buying excursions to the Far East.
Why'd you do it?
Is it so damn important for everybody to have the same colour mailbox?
It's important that people fit in.
You didn't know what you were getting into, did you? You can summon its existence,
you can give it life, but you can't control it.
All you can do is stay out of its way.
Son, my lawyers are gonna make you sound so stupid
that not only will I never see the inside of a jail cell,
but you'll be signing all your pay cheques straight to me.
Gene?
Win.
You've got two FBI agents living next door to you.
Cheer up. It's not for long.
Scully?
Scully!
Scully?
Mulder?
- Scully? - Mulder.
Scully, hang on.
Come here and help me with this.
Win, come here.
Win!
Win, wait a minute. No, no.
He deserves what he gets.
Mulder, it was here.
Mulder!
Several residents have come forward to blame neighbourhood deaths
on homeowner-association president Gene Gogolak.
These residents deny Agent Mulder's allegation
that they were in some sense all responsible for the demise of Gogolak himself,
claiming ignorance as to what actually killed him.
The code of silence that hid the sins of this community has not only survived
but, in its creator, claimed a final victim.
Meanwhile, The Falls at Arcadia has been named
one of the top planned communities in California for the sixth year running.
Tram Nguyen Zelniker
I made this!
ENGLISH SDH